CONFESSION

Confession – I am a non-smoker.

More confession – I detest smokers.

Not true – I want to strangle them. The way their second-hand fume strangles me.

Male, female – makes no difference.

RATIONALE

A smoker once told me: “It’s my life. If I want to kill myself, what’s that to you? Bugger off”.

Crap.

He can go shove his cigarette in whatever orifice he has, however he likes and whenever he likes. For all I care.

But not when he recycles the fume back into my world – through the same orifice. After picking up whatever is in his nose, throat, lungs, spitum, brain [if he has one]. And sends it the direction of yours truly.

REVENGE

My dream of revenge.

Sneak up on him. Real close. Give him a big smile. Tense up. Then fart. Loud and clear.

What’s the difference? Both originate from an orifice. But wait – “smoking kills”. Fart?

Crap. Can’t beat them.

PLEA

To all smokers out there – please be considerate. Enjoy your crap. But keep it to yourself.

You deserve all the crap you can afford.